We got a letter from Marion, who’s been happily married for 10 years. She and her husband have a lovely six-year-old daughter. But recently, she discovered something shocking in her husband’s old photo that left her feeling angry, upset, and betrayed.

Here’s Marion’s story:

One day, while looking through some of my husband’s teenage photos with his mom, I found a picture of him with a girl I didn’t recognize. What surprised me was the handwritten note on the back that said, “You’re my forever.” That hit me hard, and suddenly, I started questioning everything about our relationship.

Curious, I asked his mom who the girl was. She hesitated but finally said, “That’s Nora, your husband’s first love. They were very close in high school, but life took them in different directions.” I was shocked that my husband had never told me about her, but what hurt the most was realizing that Nora is also our daughter’s name — my husband named her after his ex without even telling me.

I feel angry and hurt. It’s not just that my husband had a first love; I know everyone has a past. But the fact that he never mentioned Nora and then named our daughter after her without telling me feels like a betrayal. To make it worse, his mom knew the whole time. When I asked her about Nora, she hesitated, as if keeping this secret was some kind of family thing. I’m upset that she didn’t think I should know or consider how this might affect me.

Now, I’m trying to sort through my emotions and figure out if I’m overreacting. I just can’t shake the feeling that this has turned everything upside down, and I need to know if my feelings are valid.

Marion, it makes perfect sense that you’re feeling shocked by what you found out about your husband’s past, especially since it involves your daughter’s name. Naming a child is a big decision that both parents usually share, so discovering it’s tied to his first love must have been a huge surprise. We have some advice that might help you handle this situation.

Finding out something like this can be really overwhelming, and it’s totally normal to feel upset and betrayed. It’s not just about your husband having a first love—everyone has a past, and you understand that. The hurt comes from the fact that he kept something so important from you. It’s only natural to feel hurt when something big is hidden.

Plus, finding out that he named your daughter after his first love without telling you makes it even harder. It’s understandable that you’re wondering why he didn’t share this part of his past and why he made such an important choice without including you. Your feelings of anger and resentment are completely valid, and it’s important to acknowledge them.

Take some time to process everything. When you’re ready, it’s really important to have a calm talk with your husband. Share your feelings and explain why this situation is so hard for you. He may not have realized how much it would hurt you, or maybe there’s more to the story that he hasn’t shared yet.

Having an open, honest conversation will help both of you understand each other’s perspectives and figure out how to move forward. Be sure to express your feelings clearly, ask the questions you’ve been thinking about, and listen to his side too. It might be a tough conversation, but it’s a necessary step in rebuilding trust and moving forward together.

It’s also difficult when your partner’s mom knows something big and keeps it from you. It’s completely understandable to feel hurt. Having a conversation with her might help clear things up. Let her know how this has affected you and why it’s upsetting.

If you’re struggling with these emotions, it’s okay to seek help from a therapist. They can give you a safe space to work through your feelings, whether on your own or as a couple.