A 59-year-old woman wrote to us with her emotional story involving her daughter-in-law (DIL). She sought advice on whether it was justified to retaliate against her DIL, who had insulted her several times. She shared the details of their complex relationship and asked for our opinion on the matter. We invite you to delve into her family situation and share your thoughts.
A woman wrote to us to share her absolutely dramatic family story.
A 59-year-old woman named Rosa recently wrote to us about her situation.
She started by saying, “Hello, I’m Rosa. I never expected to take the actions I did with my son’s family. But the circumstances forced me to speak up and take action. Now I’m unsure if I did the right thing and need advice on whether my actions were too harsh.”
Rosa explained that she’s a widow living alone in a large country house inherited from her grandmother. This is where her son Nigel, 35, was born and raised, and where he brought his then-girlfriend and now-wife Helen for the first time.
Rosa vividly remembers her first meeting with Helen. She recalls, “I had a feeling right from the start that Helen and I wouldn’t get along. She seemed standoffish, asking probing questions about my education and background. It felt more like a job interview than a friendly introduction with my daughter-in-law.”
Rosa and Helen have never been in a peaceful relationship with one another.
Rosa continued her story, explaining that since their first meeting, Helen’s attitude toward her had hardly changed. Helen often made fun of Rosa, who had worked as a cleaner in the past, calling her job “undignified.” She also criticized Rosa as “uneducated” and suggested she should read more books.
Despite enduring these hurtful remarks for the sake of her son Nigel’s happiness, Rosa found it challenging. Nigel deeply loved Helen despite her personality, and they were building their own family. Rosa simply wanted less interaction with Helen in her house, but she always cherished visits from Nigel and her two grandchildren, Mike and Tommy.
When Nigel lost his job as CEO of a large multinational company, it was a blow to the entire family, including Rosa. She knew Nigel would struggle to find new employment quickly because his reputation in the business world had suffered. Meanwhile, Nigel’s family needed to move from their rented house and find a more affordable place as they faced financial strain.
Rosa stepped in and made a significant decision. She used all her life savings and the inheritance left by her late husband to buy a house for Nigel and his family. The house was purchased under Rosa’s name, but she presented it as Nigel’s decision to buy it with his inheritance money.
Helen was unaware of Rosa’s huge income into their family.
Rosa continued, “I never wanted to reveal to Helen that I was the one who bought their house. I went further by secretly sending good amounts of money from my late husband’s savings to Nigel’s bank account, despite his initial resistance. He needed the financial support while searching for a new job.”
Rosa mentioned that her relationship with Helen didn’t improve over time. In fact, Helen became even more disrespectful towards Rosa due to their family’s financial crisis.
Helen didn’t hesitate to blame Rosa for raising a son who she claimed was unfit for life and “so worthless that he couldn’t even handle a job interview.” She seemed to forget how successful Nigel had been in his previous job and how much effort he had put into achieving that success.
The unhealthy situation reached its peak one day, during a family trip.
Rosa continued her story, explaining that during a regular family trip with Helen, Nigel, and her grandsons, she reached her limit. Despite her reluctance to go on the trip with Helen, the kids were eager to see their grandmother, so she decided to join them.
Throughout the trip, Helen behaved rudely towards Rosa. Rosa recalled, “She insulted me the entire time. She called me an ‘old lady’ and suggested I should ‘stay home and clean’. That was the final straw for me, and I made a difficult decision.”
Rosa admitted that her retaliation was also painful for her, but she couldn’t endure it any longer. “I returned home quietly. The first thing I did was sell their house. Since it was purchased in my name, I was the legal owner. So, I listed it for sale and waited for Nigel and Helen to call me when they found out. I didn’t plan to explain anything. I believed they would understand the reasons behind my actions, as everything had become too much for me, and I thought they must have realized it too.”
Helen didn’t accept the bad news well.
Rosa mentioned that on the same day she put the house up for sale, Helen and Nigel came to visit along with their grandkids. Helen was shocked when she learned that Rosa had bought the house for them and had been supporting them through their tough times.
Helen tried to manipulate the situation by bringing up the grandchildren and their living arrangements in a rented house again. Rosa suggested that they could stay with her for a while, but Helen didn’t like that idea. Instead, she started insulting Rosa repeatedly, calling her names and even saying she was the “worst grandmother ever.”
Nigel stayed quiet during this confrontation, occasionally trying to interject, but Helen was too angry and wouldn’t listen. Rosa admitted she started feeling unsure if she had done the right thing, but she had reached her limit with Helen’s behavior and constant insults.
In conclusion, Rosa questioned if she had been too harsh with her son’s family and especially her grandchildren. She sought sincere opinions from both us and our readers on the matter.
We’d advise Rosa to listen to what her heart and mind tell her.
We appreciate Rosa trusting us with her story.
It’s a tough situation, and at first glance, Rosa’s decision may seem harsh. However, we believe Rosa should trust her instincts, just like she did when she first met her daughter-in-law.
Rosa should consider her own priorities now. Should she prioritize her grandchildren, who will still have a decent place to live in a rented apartment? Or should she prioritize her own feelings, which have been deeply hurt by her daughter-in-law?
People can change, and perhaps this situation has been a learning experience for Helen. It’s possible she’s realized she can’t treat Rosa poorly. If Rosa hopes for change, she might give Helen one last chance and reconsider selling their house.
