We often think we know everything about our spouses when we marry them. But sometimes, discovering something unexpected—even if it seems small at first—can completely break the trust we’ve built. A woman found something deeply disturbing in her husband’s diary and now wonders if she should leave him.
Angela, a 33-year-old woman, wrote to us about her situation, asking for advice and opinions from our readers.
Angela’s letter began with, “My husband Andrew and I have been married for 5 years. We’ve known each other for 10 years and dated for 3 years before getting married. Our marriage was happy, but there were warning signs I wish I had noticed.”
She continued, “When Andrew proposed, I was expecting a nice engagement ring because he had a good job and was always generous with gifts. But he gave me a very cheap ring. When he saw my disappointment, he said, ‘Material things are just things. You can’t take them with you, so be happy for what I feel for you, not what I give you.’”
Angela said, “I’m not materialistic, so I didn’t focus on the cheap ring. But his sudden change in attitude made me uneasy. He went from being generous to suddenly being very frugal, which was new to me. I ignored his comments and was just happy with what I had.”
Angela then shared, “Throughout our marriage, Andrew kept a diary. I respected his privacy until one day after a big argument, my gut told me to read it. So, when he went to work, I did.”
Angela was shocked and disgusted by what she found in the diary. “I wish I hadn’t read it. I found several entries where he said he hates me, and once, he even wrote that he hoped I would die when I was sick.”
Angela added, “We recently had a rough time for about two weeks, but I thought we got through it together. There was no fear, just honest talks about our feelings. Andrew’s hateful comments matched that rough period. The rest of the diary was normal, with his thoughts on work, family, and goals.
Angela said, “When I read those diary entries, I didn’t hesitate. I packed up my stuff and our daughter’s things and went to stay with a friend. I took photos of the diary pages as proof. I told my husband I needed some time to cool off and would be back soon. I’ve already made an appointment with my therapist and contacted a lawyer.”
She added, “Since I left, my husband has sent me a few warm messages. He said he’s happy I’m taking time for myself, that he’s looking forward to seeing me when I come back, and that it’s normal to have some problems. He told me he loves me, which is making me doubt my initial decision.”
Now, Angela is unsure what to do. “I thought our relationship was over when I read that he hated me. The fact that I felt the need to read his private diary showed me something was seriously wrong. But his warm messages and other diary entries are making me question myself,” she wrote.
After a few days of exchanging messages, Angela’s husband asked if they could meet and talk. She was unsure at first but agreed, hoping to understand better. They chose a quiet cafe to discuss things openly.
“When we met, he seemed genuinely worried,” Angela said. “He told me he missed me and our daughter, and that he had been thinking a lot about what happened. He said he regretted writing those things and never meant for me to find them.”
They talked for hours, addressing the issues that had been building up. Angela explained, “We both admitted we hadn’t been communicating well. We agreed that our relationship needs a lot of work if we want to move forward.”
In the end, they decided to give their marriage another chance with a clear plan. “We agreed to go to family therapy together,” Angela wrote. “We both realize we need professional help to fix things and rebuild trust. It’s going to be a long process, and I’m still scared. But for our family’s sake, we’re going to try to make it work.”
